I Keep Trying to Pray Between Things

Most days I try to pray while the rest of the day is already running. A work thing I haven't answered. Something I still need to finish. The house making its noise. I give God the leftover seconds and tell myself that counts as showing up.

I used to call that being faithful in a full life. Fitting it in. Making it work.

That's not fitting it in. That's me never actually leaving.

One Ear On The Next Thing

I can sit down and still not be gone. One ear on the house. One eye on the next thing I have to do. The prayer is real. It just never gets the whole of me.

I used to think that was just what this season requires. A nine-to-five, two little boys, something you're trying to build. Of course you pray while everything else is still on. Of course you keep one ear open.

There's some truth in that. I'm not waiting on a quieter season.

It also isn't the whole truth. If I'm honest, I stay in the middle of it because leaving feels like falling behind. Behind on the work. Behind on the house. Behind on the thing I said I'd finish.

He Actually Left

People were still coming. Crowds. Sick people. Work that did not pause because he needed a minute.

He didn't pray from the middle of it and call that enough.

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Luke 5:16

Often. Withdrew. Lonely places.

He left. Not once. Often.

I skip that part. I stay where everything can still reach me, and I hope a few honest sentences count as having gone somewhere.

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The Leaving I Keep Putting Off

I still try to pray between things. Some mornings I sit down first and let the rest wait. Some I don't, and I can feel the difference later.

I'm learning to leave the room I'm in, even if I don't go anywhere. Just stepping out long enough that God gets more than the leftover seconds.

I don't have a clean version of this yet. I'm just less willing to pretend those seconds were the same as leaving.

The rest of the day is still there when I sit down. I'm not pretending otherwise.

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Trent Jones is the author of the Forged Agents blog and builder of "Reflect", a daily reflection companion for living in the present, in peace, with joy.